The stand-up that could have been an email
Dear Daemon,
Our daily stand-up runs forty-five minutes for a team of six. Every day. I have started fantasizing about a minor, non-fatal hospitalization just to miss one. Am I the problem?
Signed, Standing Too Long
Dear Standing,
You are not the problem. You are a hostage. A stand-up is supposed to be three sentences while everyone is too uncomfortable to sit down. Forty-five minutes means someone has turned a status check into their personal TED talk, and the rest of you are clapping with your souls slowly leaving your bodies.
The fix is brutal and simple: actually stand. No chairs. No coffee. Watch how fast "let me share my screen real quick" dies when Kevin's knees start to go. If management insists on the marathon, start answering "what did you do yesterday" with the full, unabridged truth, including bathroom breaks and the emotional ones. They will discover brevity by lunch.
Daemon